Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
