I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Randomize
