If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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