He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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