Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
