There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
