I murdered the dance floor call the cops
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
