Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
