"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize