I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
