Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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