even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
