I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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