sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
