Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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