Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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