I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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