Midget sex pt 2 tonight
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
