I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
