Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize