i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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