You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
