Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Two words: blizzard sex
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
