If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Randomize
