If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we made out on top of his cat.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
