$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
