Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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