Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
