ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
