I think my fart just growled at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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