So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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