I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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