The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Randomize
