I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
