You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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