I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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