Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
