ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
