I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Randomize
