Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Did I show you my penis last night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
