so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize