I wanna bring you to show and tell
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
