Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
