he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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