Kiss
Puke
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
