I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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