pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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