i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
