I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
