I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
