I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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