So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
