im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
