I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
