i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
