Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize