someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
