I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
