Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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