I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
