when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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