please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize