the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
