Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
