Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
barbara walters just said penis...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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