It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
