dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
