Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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