There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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