You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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